Sep 3, 2013 by


Every second or third blog post, I try to think of a random topic, something that separates me from other blogs.  Other examples include Social Media at Christmas Dinner and my re-creation of Sharknado getting green lighted.  This post will definitely fit in the random category.  I had planned on doing 2 of these scenarios for this blog post, but it became too long so I’ve decided to post the other one tomorrow.  A hint:  It involves Jesus working out in a modern day gym.   And I’ve already started working on one where Watson is speaking on a cell phone to Alexander Graham Bell.  I think we have our first repeat category here at Big B’s blog.  I hope everyone realizes that the following post is meant as comedy.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Without further ado….







Customer Service (airhead sounding young woman):  “Hello, this is Customer Service.  How may I help you.”

Adolph Hitler:  “You guys came by my house and installed internet service but the password you gave me is not working.”

CS: “OK, what’s your name?”

Hitler:  “My name is Adolph Hitler.”

CS: “Can you spell that?”

Hitler: “A-D-O-L-P-H”

CS: “I haven’t heard of many in Adolph’s in my lifetime.”

Hitler:  “I wonder why….”

CS:  “What was that?”

Hitler: “Nothing.”

CS:  “So they came to your house and set up the internet but the password is not letting you access your internet?”

Hitler:  “Yes, that’s right.  And I’ve been transferred like 4 different times and I’m just trying to learn how to turn on my internet.  When I was the Fuhrer of Deutschland, we only had two phone lines into the whole place and you guys have transferred me to four different phone lines!”

CS:  “Dutch Land?  Never heard of it.  Furor?  Like Furious…but Furor?  And if you only had two phone lines than it must not have been a very successful business.  Hahaha!”

Silence on the other end….

CS:  “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Hitler, did I offend you?”

Hitler:  “I just want to know how to set up this god damn internet.  Everyone tells me I have to try this fucking internet.  What the hell does it do for you anyway?”

CS: “You’ve never been on the internet?  Oh, that’s precious. Well I just love it to research things.  I was considering going to Russia to visit so I went on the internet and I found out that it can get as cold as 30 below in the winter over there, so now I know to go during summer.  Whoever would go into Russia in the winter has to be some sort of crazy.  So then I decided maybe I would go to Europe and I found that over 85% of young people speak English there.   Isn’t that just great?  Could you imagine if they all spoke some ugly language like German?  I’m sure Dutch Land has a very nice language though, Mr. Hitler.”

Hitler:  “If this was 65 years ago, you wouldn’t be talking like this…..”

CS:  “You are right about that Adolph.  I wasn’t very good at talking when I was negative 40 years old.”

Hitler:  “Just give me the new password so I can set this up.”

CS:  “OK, I think this is probably right.  Go to where it says password and type in five straight 4’s.”

All you can hear is swear words in the background and Hitler screaming…..

Hitler: “Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!”

CS: “No, Mr. Hitler, I said five 4’s….Four! Four! Four! Four! Four!  Not 9’s you silly goose.”

Deep breathing from Hitler’s end….










Hitler:  I haven’t been this frustrated since the Battle of Britian in 1940 when we couldn’t eliminate the Brits air defenses.”

CS:  “Now you are just talking nonsense Adoll.”

Hitler: “It’s Adolph.”

CS: “Oh, I called you Adoll.  Like, a Doll.  That’s soooooo cute……If you have a daughter I hope you name her Adoll.”

Hitler: “That is not cute!!  Cute is when every single race will succumb to our way of life and every country will bow to the best country of all.  Alles Uber Deutschland!”

CS: “Uh, yeah….good luck with that one.  The only super power right now is a country called America.  Maybe you have heard of us.  Not everyone loves us, but at least we are not Germany.  Where did you say you were from?  That’s right, Dutch Land…Such a cute sounding name.  I’m Adolph from Dutch Land.  Sounds like a made up account on Tinder or OK Cupid  ‘I’m Adolph from Dutch Land and I like long walks on the beach and screaming Nine into the phone.’  Hahahaha, I would sooooooo respond to that.”




Hitler sounds deflated on the other end….

Hitler: “So I gather you are from America?”

CS: “Yeah, I’m from Houston.  Go Texas!!  In fact, football starts tomorrow so Go Houston Texans!  We have a great team this year and I really like this player called Arian Foster.  He is an awesome running back!  I just don’t understand his name.  Arian?  Really?  I mean, can you get an uglier sounding name than Arian, cause I don’t think so!  I used to like Houston basketball too when we had this coach named Rick Adelman.  He was the best coach he just had this weird little thin mustache right above his lip that made him look sooooooo creepy!”

Hitler:  “This is taking forever!  Can you stop ranting and just help me set up my internet.  What is that damn password?  I knew it was a risk setting up this so called internet thing.”

CS:  “When you said Risk, it reminded me of that board game.  Lots of fun, but it can’t really be that easy to rule the world.  Don’t you think it would be harder than that, Mr. Hitler?”














Hitler:  “I wish we could have put you in a concentration camp.”

CS:  “But I concentrate just fine Mr. Hitler.  I might go on little rants but that’s about it.  I did always like camps when I was a kid though.  My favorites were the outdoorsy camps.”

Hitler sighs…..

CS: “You are the one who can’t concentrate long enough to get your internet turned on.  I think maybe your Mom should have sent YOU to concentration camp as a kid.  Oh sorry, I’m ranting again.  OK, try this password: 11945.  That’s 11945, like won 1945.  That’s ironic, cause I’m not a history buff but I think America won something in 1945, so just think of it like that. Won 1945.”

Hitler: “You are tougher than the Soviets at the Battle of Kursk!!”

CS: “There you go with that random babble again Mr. Hitler….Did you type in Won 1945.”

Hitler: “Ja. It works.”

CS:  “I knew it.  The good old US saves the day again!  And what’s up with Ja?  Is that yes in Dutch Land?  You certainly are a peculiar one Mr. Hitler.”

Hitler: “God Damn Americans!  Wait, something just came up on my screen. OK. I think it’s working.  What does the www mean?”

CS:  “The www stands for World Wide Web.  It lets different cultures & different people connect throughout the world.  It’s the worlds greatest melting pot!  Isn’t that just a spectacular thing Mr. Hitler, seeing all sorts of different races coming together as one on the World Wide Web!”

Hitler: “Are we done yet?”







CS: “I believe that’s it.  And with your internet access you can also get 4 free phone lines if you would like.  Didn’t you say you only had two phone lines when you were the Furor of Dutch Land?  You could become twice as powerful as that company!!  Do you want to do that today?..……Mr. Hitler, are you still there?  Adolph? Adolph?”


Until Next Time……

Big B


And I’d like to thank a few people who as usual have helped me publicize this site:

First off, go check out the books of 2 great authors: Cassandra Black:  http://www.amazon.com/Cassandra-Black/e/B005BU7Y44  and Corey Circello: http://circelloc.wix.com/author

This guy is helping people with blogs, Twitter, etc. to promote their product.  Check it out, or follow him on Twitter @authenticpost

If you are on FB, check out some man’s humor

And once again, if you are in California (especially SF), ask your bartender if they have Blue Angel Vodka.  And yes, the Big B they speak of on their website is yours truly.

Thanks again everyone for reading.  Cheers!!!!


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