MARRIED…..WITH CHILDREN?

Jul 21, 2013 by

MARRIED…..WITH CHILDREN?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“YOU’RE NEXT!”

 

I was at my cousin Emily’s wedding last weekend and 3 of my elderly relatives pointed at me and uttered that phrase….

 

So what is my plan?

 

A) Wait till the next funeral, look at the aforementioned elderly relatives, point at the casket and say “You’re next” back to them.  Tempting, but no I’m still a good Catholic kid at heart (even if I don’t go to church anymore).

 

B) Feel the pressure and rush into some marriage with some woman I don’t even love just to appease my relatives.

 

C) Keep on living my own life as I see fit.

 

The answer of course is C, but that doesn’t mean that weddings don’t get me thinking.  It’s not that I’m old and in fact I get told all the time that I look really young, but I’m certainly not a kid anymore either.  If it was the movie equivalent, I’d probably be Ryan Gosling.  Sure, he seems and looks young, but he’s been around longer and been in more movies than people realize.  He’s also a good example because we look alike and we both have the same amount of zeroes in our checking account (it’s just that my decimal point is 4 digits to the left of his.) Reminds me of that time in LA that we had a bunch of girls judge who was better looking.  What was the result of that again?

 

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Don’t act surprised ladies!  The voting wasn’t even that close.

As for the wedding, I had other, younger relatives who told me that they could tell through Facebook and this Blog that I had a really exciting life, traveled a lot, and was always surrounded by pretty girls.  They said I shouldn’t throw all that away unless I was madly in love with some girl.  Now they are talking my language!  I even had a few people come up to me and say the blog would be boring as hell if I got married and started having kids, which got me thinking…

 

BLOG POST.  SEPTEMBER.  2015.  “In LA, I used to hit up the bars Cabo, BruHaus, and Q’s in one day, but today me and the wife (she just hit me and said “It’s my wife and I”) hit up Lowe’s, IKEA, and Bed, Bath, & Beyond in one day.  That’s my new Trio.  Our newborn Brian Jr. (don’t you dare call him BJ) was crying the whole time.  We came home and it has been over a week since MY WIFE AND I have had sex so we laid Brian Jr. down, hoping to have some alone time.  Just as we were about to get busy, he starts screaming so I go to pick him  up and he pukes all over me.  He proceeded to cry for another hour until we finally laid him back down.  THE WIFE AND I (she’s looking over my shoulder as I type) were too tired to have sex then, so we just turned on an old episode of Law and Order SUV and fell asleep.  This morning, she told me we bought the wrong paint and dresser so it looks like we get to go back to Lowe’s and IKEA today…..(somebody kill me!)”

 

Yeah, I don’t think THAT blog would be quite as entertaining…..

 

It may seem like I’m anti-kids, which I’m absolutely not!  It’s just that right now, I’m very pro-freedom, pro-independence.  I like being able to fly to Chicago and Columbus if I want, hit up Europe now and then, and wake up on a Friday morning and make a game day decision to drive down to Los Angeles for a week.  In 2006, I decided to travel through Australia for a month.  Do you know how long I had to get packed?  48 hours.  That’s right, I decided to go to Australia all of two days before I left.  If I get married or have kids that will just no longer be possible.

 

I can hear a few girls out there saying “He doesn’t want to commit to one woman.”  It has nothing to do with wanting to be a player and trying to sleep with as many girls as I can.  Anyone who knows me can attest that has never been my thing.  I’d much rather be in love and sleeping with just one woman….and that’s the God’s honest truth.

 

Ideally for me, I’d fall in love with a woman who loves to travel and we’d spend our time exploring the world, having drinks with little umbrellas in them, and postponing having a child as long as we possibly could.  But not forever, because I do eventually want to have kids!!  I’m sure I’d dote on those little buggers as much as any Dad out there, and I know the minute my child is born I’ll be thinking “Why did I wait so long?”

 

I just want to have my cake and eat it too.  I want to be able to travel whenever I want and be able to raise a child (or two) as well.  I think I’d be like a celebrity parent where I’d take my child wherever me and my wife decided to go.  My child would amass the most airline miles in history.  George Clooney’s character in ‘UP IN THE AIR’ wouldn’t have shit on my child……

 

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And Clooney is another good example.  He’s over 50, has no kids, and travels the world with beautiful women.  That was the life that I HAD always wanted, but now as I get older I don’t think I want to be that old without a little child to have to look after….

 

ACTUAL CONVERSATION I JUST HAD WITH THE GIRL AT THE COFFEE SHOP WHO I LET READ THIS POST:

Her: “So you just compared yourself to Ryan Gosling and George Clooney in the same blog post?

Me: “Yup.”

Her: “I’m surprised you didn’t go ahead and say you wished you were Brad Pitt while you are at it.”

Me: “First off, I never said I wanted to be any of them.  I wouldn’t want  the lack of privacy.  And I wouldn’t want to be Brad Pitt right now, because I like breasts too much.”

Her: (taking a second to digest what I said)  “You jerk!  That’s like punching Angelina straight in the heart.”

Me: “Well that is a little easier now that there’s less padding.”

Her: (Staring me down)…..”Wow.”

By the way, we have a date for next Tuesday.  No joke.  (I have better luck with girls when I’m a jerk.  I sense a future blog post about that subject.)

 

But people may ask “Why would you want to be 50 and traveling the world?  Wouldn’t you rather be coaching your son’s youth basketball teams?  Live in a nice neighborhood with friendly neighbors.”  It’s a fair question and one I debate all the time.  I just feel that sometimes when you have kids, you lose your drive, your spark, your joie de vivre!

 

Now I know I’m going to get assaulted by my friends with kids after the last statement, but I feel that parents my age start living vicariously through their kids.  97.62% of my friends with kids have their kids as their Facebook profile picture!  Why?  You are a 35 year old guy, there’s so much more you can accomplish.  You can still go write a novel, win the World Series of Poker, or invent something.  When you have a picture of your kid as your profile pic, it’s almost as if they are saying “Look, I have a child, I’ve accomplished the most important thing of all.” I just feel that when you become a parent, you get complacent and some of your inner drive is taken away from you.

 

And women could rightly respond that raising a child is the most important thing in the world.  I agree with that! But we have no shortage of children in the world, so why do I have to have a kid?  I don’t like how people who don’t have kids get frowned upon a little by society.  I have plenty of friends who have kids, I don’t have many friends who could fly to Asia tomorrow if they wanted……and as of right now, I like being that guy!

 

So I feel like I’m talking in circles and not getting to the point. Remember when you were in college, and you had to make a summary at the end of an essay.  It had to be in bigger font, in bold, and highlight your main points.  That’s how I feel right now. I feel like you are all looking me and saying “Well, what’s the verdict?  Wrap this thing up!” (By the way, I do wrap it up, that’s why I have no kids great site.)   ba dum-DUM!

 

SUMMARY:

 

In summary, YES, I do want to have children, I’m just in no rush to make that happen.  I don’t want  to look back in 10 years and feel like I could have done so much more, but instead I had to take some job I didn’t like because the wife and I needed something secure.   I still have  a joy of traveling, of total freedom, and of being able to do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want (sorry Mom for swearing).  If someone wanted to criticize me and say I’m just not mature enough yet to have kids, I could accept that.  But if to be mature is to sacrifice my dreams in order to raise a child, then you know what , I’m glad I’m not that mature yet.  In fact, I hope I never am.

So will I join Al Bundy and be “Married….with children?”    As you can probably tell, it’s something I think about quite often (Can’t you tell how fired up I am!) I guess time will tell.  And if and when I do decide too, I just hope he or she will be as beautiful as this little guy:

 

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And yes that’s me as a kid!!  Sorry ladies but you can’t scroll down this picture any further….I don’t want this to become an NC-17 website.

 

Until next time…..

 

BIG B

 

And as always, I appreciate any Facebook posts, Tweets, PIN’s, Google +’s, Linkbacks, and even Word of Mouth about my blog post.

 

 

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