THIS WEINER IS A DICK

Aug 13, 2013 by

THIS WEINER IS A DICK

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the 2nd straight article that might be a bit U.S.-centric so here’s a quick bio of Anthony Weiner since I’m not sure if he’s getting international “exposure.”  (shout out to my non US readers).  He was a U.S. Congressman from New York who had to quit his job because of a sexting scandal, that including sending naked pictures on Twitter which is never a good idea (just kidding.  girls keep sending them to me.)  Keep in mind he has a wife and a baby at home. He then decided this year to run for mayor of New York City and many more girls have come out that he is still very much active in sexting his Weiner around.  Weiner’s weiner if you will….I think you get the idea of why this will make a funny blog post.

 

The problem with a story like this is I really don’t know where to start, there’s too many jokes to make.  Why don’t we start with his alias…..Carlos Danger!  Seriously, buddy?  I mean you couldn’t make up a more ridiculous name.  If you were going to use an alias, wouldn’t you go for something a little less obvious?  It sounds like a bad Mexican detective in some cheesy Robert Rodriguez movie.  And there’s absolutely no doubt that Benecio Del Toro would be playing the character of Carlos Danger, and his mustache would be as over the top as his name.  And speaking of movies, didn’t Weiner ever watch Austin “Danger is my middle name” Powers.  Danger is not a last name Weiner, it’s a middle name.  Then again with a last name like Weiner, I guess he’s not the best judge of what constitutes a good last name.

 

As you can see, I could make this whole blog post around Weiner jokes.  It’s like “Meet the Parents“, where you are just waiting for the next “Focker” joke.  In fact I nominate combining these two words when describing a slutty girl.  She’s a “Weiner Focker!”  You heard it here first, somebody call a patent attorney!  I’m trademarking the phrase “Weiner Focker!”  I could just see some girl saying “That Kim Kardashian is such a Weiner Focker!”

 

And let’s be honest, the name itself adds so much to the story…..Unless a Richard Dick or a Bob Hardon gets elected to Congress, it just can’t get any better.

 

bobhardon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We can’t get the same amusement out of a woman sending a nudie pic unless we get Alotta Fagina to appear in real life (and yes, that’s a second Austin Powers reference).  In fact, I’m going to combine two names once again.  If I ever join the porn industry, I want to be known as “Alotta Weiner.”  (Call back that patent attorney!)

 

And unfortunately I do have to bring up the elephant in the room, and unfortunately these girls are the elephants (I’m going to hell!) These are by and large, not attractive girls.  He has a beautiful wife (and kid) at home…..Cheating on a woman is one of the worst things you can do, but if you were going to do it wouldn’t you want it to be an attractive girl?  At least the French President cheated on his wife with Carla Bruni (who became the 1st lady of France), and that 70 something year old Prime Minister of Italy was sleeping with a beautiful 24 year old!

 

Cheating is wrong no matter what, and 90% of the time with US politicians it’s with a less attractive woman than his wife.  In the U.S., we get Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky, and some skanks on Twitter looking for attention.  Has the U.S.  ever even had a hot first lady?  I guess Jackie Kennedy.  I mean, I learned by watching the main stoner in “Dazed and Confused” that Martha Washington was “A hip, hip lady” and helped George with the pot plants, but c’mon Georgie Boy, look at her:

 

martha

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enough of Martha and lets’ get back to  Carla Bruni, who was a singer, an actress, then got married to a divorced politician and became 1st lady!  I don’t know if she sang, but it sure sounds a lot like Nancy Reagan (she fits the final 3 criteria!)  Hey I’m making fun of a democrat, I can make fun of a Republican too!

 

And since we are now making fun of Republican 1st ladies, I guess with a last name like Bush, if Barbara or Laura sent a picture of their private parts than it would….

 

black

 

 

 

I’m sorry but the FCC, just blacked out my computer screen and what I had written next on this blogpost…..Damn, I feel like Howard Stern!  OK, my computer screen is no longer black.  See, you can go back once you go black.  I was going to make another Kim Kardashian joke but this is just getting too easy!

 

I liked the fact that Weiner couldn’t even make up excuses for some of what came out.  Apparently, Weiner traveled to Chicago a lot and he randomly decided that he was going to get one of the Twitter girls a place in downtown Chicago.  What a nice guy!  Probably no ulterior motives there.  I’m sure when he visited Chicago he just planned on going by the place and spending a night playing Tiddly Winks and cooking S’Mores with her!  Because after you send a girl a picture of your dick and rent her an apartment, you’re probably still thinking about staying faithful to your wife.  Yeah, right!

In all seriousness, I met this girl on Twitter one time who sent me several nude photos of herself so I agreed to send her a picture of my penis.  Unfortunately, I got a message back from Twitter saying that the file was too large to send………TO COMPLETE THE JOKE, CLICK ON THIS LINK AND PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

Back to being serious for a moment.  What a real life loser this guy is to be doing what he’s doing with a wife and young child at home.  It makes it even more pitiful since he’s done it before and his wife stood by his side. He’s brutally embarrassing her a second time. And in front of  a national audience, no less.  It wouldn’t even be as pathetic if it was like an office romance, at least then he would have known the woman. Instead, he just looks like a sleazeball who is sending out pictures of his dick to random girls.  Oh wait, that is exactly what he is!

And now he has to decide if he wants to continue running for mayor, but that means submitting his wife to these continued embarrassments.  I guess  you could say this Weiner is stuck between a rock and a hard place. And did I mention that his wife, Huma Abedin (who is beautiful and comes across amazingly well) is the Chief of Staff to  Hillary Clinton!  You couldn’t make this shit up! I’m sure they have some interesting conversations…..

HUMA:  Twitter girl #7 is a way bigger slut than that Monica Lewinsky!

HILLARY: You’re crazy!  She was just sending naked pics back and forth.  Monica was giving the President of the United States a blow job in the Oval Office!  And trust me, there is no way the American Public will vote your Weiner anywhere near the White House

HUMA:  My weiner?  I don’t want him anymore, I just want to divorce him.  All he does is mope around the house, looking sad and we both know he’s not going to win the mayoral race!

HILLARY:  I know you’d love to drop him like a bad habit!  There’s nothing worse than holding on to a broken Weiner….especially one that isn’t going to be working!  But still, I wouldn’t divorce him.

HUMA:  Why?

HILLARY:  Do you really have to ask that?  You may just be talking to the next President of the United States….

HUMA:  Good point!

And yeah, that “conversation” was meant as a  joke, but it sucks that these women have to stand by their dipshit husbands in order to keep rising in politics themselves.  Huma has to stand up straight and be prim and proper, when her husband is trying to sweep dirty internet skanks off their feet and have them do improper things…..

<img class="alignleft wp-image-1604" alt="1-1-1-1-1-" src="http://bigbsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/1-1-1-1-1-.jpg" width="640" height="480" srcset="http://bigbsblog ms project cloud alternative.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/1-1-1-1-1-.jpg 800w, http://bigbsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/1-1-1-1-1–300×225.jpg 300w” sizes=”(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px” />

 

 

And if I die tomorrow please tell my parents about this blog post just  in case they get to look at my computer’s search history: “Weiner, Alotta Vagina, Focker, Weiner, Monica Lewinsky, Weiner, Martha Washington,  Weiner, Hillary Clinton, Barbara Bush.”  I wouldn’t even want to know what my parents thought I was researching….

Well it may be time to wrap another blog post up…..I hope this wasn’t just a one trick pony, where every joke was some sort of “Weiner” joke. After all, Meet the Parents was a damn good movie even if they did do a variation of the “Focker” joke about 50 times.

In that movie, Robert DeNiro’s character would use a lie detector test to judge if Ben Stiller’s character was lying.  I think Huma Abedin should be able to do the same thing with Anthony Weiner,  and hopefully for her with some little shockers attached to his………….chest.  See I didn’t even end on a Weiner joke, that would be too easy.  I preferred to make it hard for all the girls out there.  OK, I guess I did now.

 

Until next time……

 

Big B

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